Four Losses

I’m 1 in 8 and 1 in 4.  Something I don’t think about daily anymore.  It was something I thought about hourly for a while. This week I have seen so much awareness for infertility and infant loss.  Something I am very familiar with. Some details have faded but the memory of the feelings don’t.  My first miscarriage came after we had our first child Morgan. New Year’s day I went to the hospital in immense pain knowing I was pregnant. I quickly learned the pregnancy was ectopic and had ruptured in my tube. I was rushed to surgery and in a blur was released the same day to go home. Three hundred and 364 days later, Katie was born. I’m not lost on the timing or the way this part of my year was bookended. What started with the greatest loss in my life at this point, ended with one of the greatest joys.

After we had Katie, we needed a break. She was spit fire and 100% energy. When we did decide to try for one more, we instead lost three in a row. Crushing blow after blow. To complicate the whole thing we almost always had to use fertility drugs to get pregnant. The routine had become familiar but the emotional rollercoaster was draining and expensive. When I had lost all hope, Ryan said, “let’s try one more time”. My reply was, “you better make it a good one”, too which we now see the results of our twins, Gabby and Izzy.

A big part of my story after I had Katie was finding like minded friends. Moms in the same season, going through the same thing. None of us had it all figured out but we were doing our best or wanting to do our best. Those friends in that season were the hands and feet of Jesus for me. They jumped in with flowers and meals during those losses. They knew I would be sad and loved me anyway.  Their company was a soft place to fall when everything else around me seemed to be spinning. Those women knew me and my desire to have more children and walked the journey with me.

We each have a story about how we became a mom and the variations are all different. Being a mom in and of itself is a binding factor. It might be through adoption, through In vitro, through a surrogate or all natural childbirth. Mine included an ambulance ride, emergency c-sections and long stays in hospitals. (That’s the part I leave out when talking to a pregnant mommy!) But it is all what makes us a mom. The joy, the pain, the love and the loss.

You have a story too. One day God might place on your heart to share your story in just the right moment when a friend needs help and encouragement. How to love someone through loss is hard, but what an opportunity you have to love and minister to someone who doesn’t know Jesus or the hope he can bring them. They just might need a little help learning how to share their story too.

Reflecting day to day-

Jennifer

2 responses

  1. Sometimes I think the bonds we form during a lose are stronger than during joys.

    Like

    October 9, 2020 at 1:30 pm

  2. Melanie

    Love you so much! I love how you said that we all have a story of how we become moms. I can assure you that the way I first became a mom was not what I had envisioned-but it was good. The way I next became a mom was how I envisioned-and it was good. The most recent way that I have become a mom wasn’t how I originally envisioned-but it was good. Bottom line is that God’s plans ARE always good and in fact, better than our own.

    Like

    October 9, 2020 at 1:49 pm

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