Posts tagged “godsdesign

1000 miles

I wasn’t ready to let go.

Three years ago we took a short drive three hours from our home and dropped off our oldest, Morgan, at college. Since this was pre-covid, there were plenty of college kids there to welcome, distract and immediately plug Morgan in. She was going to the university my husband and I met at so there was comfort in knowing the school, the town and even friends who still lived there. While it was hard to leave her, she was close and I knew her surroundings.

Jump forward three years and here I am again. The original plan for our second daughter Katie and her first choice school was to be five hours from home. This changed when God said, nope, not going to happen. I say it was God because we did all we could humanly possible to make it happen for her. So into this summer we found ourselves shifting……to 1000 miles away. Let me spell that our further. It’s a 17 hour drive. Two days of caravanning across the country with packed cars. This kid isn’t going to have the luxury of driving home on a weekend. She’s going to settling in for 12 weeks.

While in my mind I have known the distance, the length of how long she’ll be gone, it really didn’t hit me until the day before we left. As we were all sitting at church in one long row and eating lunch afterwards, I thought, this was it. All six of us together again won’t happen for a little while.

Each child is different in personally, resiliency and interests. Katie is no different. She’s strong, independent and knows what she likes and wants in life. All these traits made me think this was going to be easier than Morgan. While Morgan was ready, I wasn’t as confident as a parent. This time I thought it would be different.

Thanks to covid, everything feels “off”. Not only is Katie going far away, the day we moved her in her dorm this week was the first time we had been in the city or stepped foot on the campus. Ever. Everything is new, we didn’t know our way around and all I could think was, this is a big mistake. I probably shouldn’t say that out loud but I’m sure I’m not the first or last parent to have these emotions and thoughts. I kept thinking, what have we done? What are we doing? There’s still time to pack her back up and bring her home.

Don’t worry, we didn’t do that. Instead we decorated her room, made a trip to Walmart for all the things she needed/wanted and said “see ya soon”. Yes I cried but by then both Katie and I felt better about it. Her confidence was reassuring and her smile let me know it would all be okay.

I’m pretty sure going to college is harder on the parents in some ways than the kids. Have we done enough to prepare her? Is she going to be safe and okay?

Here’s the deal, she’s never been mine. At least not completely. She’s a gift. A gift from God that He allowed for me to take care these past 18 years. I dedicated her to Him and as much as I love her, there is someone who cares even more for her. Trusting in that is the only and best thing I can do right now. God has been teaching me lately that I am not in control. I try. Really hard. But ultimately when I surrender and let God lead the way, things always turn out the best. So today I am reminded that though 1000 miles seems far away, Katie is never without the Lord. He is with her always. To guide her, comfort her and direct her if she chooses herself to trust Him and give Him control.

Living day to day-

Jennifer

P.S. I may have already planned a trip to see Katie during parents weekend. 9 weeks and counting…